Can't You Tell Me?
by TimeforSomethingDifferent
Summary: Sometimes, Nick wished he wasn't inside his own head, because there were thoughts he didn't want to hear.  Jeff and Nick have an unexpected talk.


**AN:**

**So, this is my first Niff, and their personalities probably aren't quite like all of the other Niffs I've read, but I hope it's okay. This was kind of meant as a response to a fic my friend wrote for me, but now I kind of don't want her to read it. Oh, and one more thing. This would probably take place in the second season, so just keep that in mind when thinking about what characters are actually there.**

**To my friend:**

**If I do change my mind and tell you about it, the same things apply, like the whole slash pairing thing only being for the good of the Niff part of this fic.**

**Sorry for the long message, you can just read the story now.**

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><p>The door swung open, creaking on its hinges just like always. Through the music pouring into his ears from his headphones, Nick didn't notice the sound. With his back to the door he was busy typing up his English essay. Hunching over, Nick leaned in to stare at that one sentence he couldn't get just right. Movement stirred in his peripheral vision, and in an instant he pulled his headphones from his ears and spun around. For a second, his heart jumped before his brain caught up with what his eyes were seeing.<p>

"Hey, dude!" Jeff was honestly _bouncing_ up and down, but that wasn't such an oddity for him. Energy always seemed to roll of him in waves, sometimes infecting Nick and causing him to act much more excitable than he normally was. "Here you are! I've been over in Trent's room just hanging out with some of the guys. Do you wanna come?" With a glance down at his computer screen, Nick took in his current word count, noticing how it was obviously quite a few hundred words less than the required word count. _It's due in two day, and I haven't even started editing it yet… but…_

"Yeah, sure," he answered, trying to stave off the worry, and knowing that he would probably have to stay up late again to finish the paper on time. Flipping the lid of his laptop closed, Nick stood from his chair and turned his chin up a fraction to meet the other boy's pale eyes. Sometimes, it was annoying being slightly shorter than his friends, but it was only about two inches in this case, so he could still comfortably make eye contact. "To Trent's it is," he proclaimed with maybe a bit too much contrived enthusiasm. However, Jeff thankfully didn't notice as he turned to bounce out of their room.

Trent's room wasn't particularly close to theirs, but the minutes it took to get there passed quickly. Effortlessly, Jeff carried on the conversation even when all Nick contributed was a nod or mumble of agreement every now and then. _I wish I could just talk like that,_ the shorter boy considered. Most of the time he struggled to come up with something to say to people because he couldn't always gauge what they wanted to talk about. Whenever he tried to think of something _he_ wanted to talk about, all he could do was draw a blank. _It's not like I haven't improved on it, though,_ he reminded himself.

Still, it was why his friendship came so easily with Jeff. The blonde would usually supply some topic or simply ramble for a couple minutes without Nick having to say more than a few words. _It's not like I mind; in fact, I probably prefer it that way._ In Jeff's case, it was obvious when the other boy was doing what he wanted, because he would voice when he wasn't satisfied, and all Nick had to do was try to accommodate that.

When he was with Jeff, there weren't the usual awkward silences that dragged on. Some of the blonde's energy seemed to be contagious, even. At times, Nick would become animated by the topic and suddenly find so many more words to say than usual. _Well, not for most things. Mainly just for Harry Potter._

Nick wouldn't say he was _obsessed_; he was just… particularly knowledgeable about the subject. Also, the interest was something that he had in common with Jeff, so it actually gave him something to talk about. _But is it all we talk about?_ Honestly, he kind of hung on to it. It was one of the few things that that he knew he liked not just because he was supposed to, but because he _really_ liked it. Still, he kind of got annoyed with himself for not being able to talk about much other than Harry Potter. _I mean, doesn't Jeff just get sick of it at some point. _

Even in the minutes it took them to reach the hall that Trent's room was on they had somehow started discussing whether they would find any secret shortcuts through Dalton if they had access to the Marauder's Map. _Doesn't he get sick of me only talking about this one thing? _Still, Nick couldn't bring himself to talk about much else. He honestly wished he could, but he just didn't know _how_. Most people wouldn't even have to think about conversing, they just _talked_; but for Nick, it almost troubled his mind. For that reason, he just stuck to the topic that he knew would generally be accepted, at least by Jeff.

"Oh!" Jeff was coming up with elaborate plots for what they would do if they found secret passages into the other Warblers' rooms using the Map. "And if we were able to get into Wes and David's room we could steal Wes's supply of gavels! That'd show him for not giving me a solo!" At that comment and Jeff's look of pure delight, Nick couldn't help bet let out a stifled snuffle of laughter. _Despite how hilarious that sounds, it would actually completely work!_

"Are you laughing at me?" There was still a smile on the other boy's face, but there was also a hint of worry and defense in his voice.

_No! _Nick's voice wasn't nearly a shout, but he quickly and loudly protested, "No, no! Of course not! I was honestly agreeing with the fact that Wes would be upset! I wasn't making fun of you!" _It wasn't meant in a bad way! Did I come off rude? _"I'm really sorry! I honestly wasn't laughing at you. If I was laughing at anything, it was at the truth of your idea!"

"Okay, okay." Jeff simply brushed it off, but it continued to bother Nick. _Was I too rude to laugh at that?_

By then, they had reached Trent's room, and they could hear music pumping from the other side of the mahogany door. Trent's room wasn't big, per se, but it was still one of the largest you could get. It was originally supposed to be a triple that he shared with Thad and Blaine, but once Kurt had transferred to Dalton the rooming had changed. Instead of Kurt having a single, the school decided to reassign Blaine to a double with him so that he wouldn't be completely lost as a new student.

The outcome was that Trent and Thad got to keep the whole triple room to themselves, and Thad had the tendency to hold Warbler "gatherings". In other words, he liked to have parties where all the Warblers squished into that one room, sang snippets of songs, and had to scream to be able to hold a conversation over the other ones going on at the same time.

That was exactly what was going on as one of the Warblers, Flint, swung the door open and managed to escape to some open space. Inside, there were about twelve teenage boys, only half of them still with full uniforms and blazers on. Without hesitation, Jeff jumped right into the room, almost immediately engaging a group of the boys in conversation. Fairly more reluctant, Nick slid through the small space left around the door.

It didn't take long before he was up against the wall trying to stay out of the way of a miniature dance competition that had arisen in the middle of the crowded room. _How do they even have space to do that?_ Nick had learned by now not to bother questioning the Warblers, yet that didn't stop him from wondering.

Apart from that, Nick almost felt isolated. _I know it's stupid. I'm in a room full of people yet I feel so distant. _Honestly, he just didn't feel comfortable in these types of situations. Yeah, he could jump around to whatever choreography they were trying to perfect during actual Warbler rehearsal, but when he was dropped into any kind of party or group setting, he only felt overwhelmed and isolated at the same time. There were just so many people and it was extremely noisy, yet he wasn't exactly talking to any of them.

He had grown to know all the other Warblers, and he could talk to them in a normal one-to-one or small group setting, but here, he just felt kind of lost. Shuffling awkwardly, he tried to take a good look around while at the same time attempting to not seem like he was searching for Jeff. Nick hated to admit it, but sometimes he felt a bit lost without the other boy by his side, as if he didn't really have anything interesting about him if Jeff wasn't around. He finally spotted the boy all the way across the room, talking animatedly with Trent and waving his hands in the air to illustrate whatever point he was making. Even just watching Jeff acting so… _Jeff_, just made Nick smile sometimes.

Slowly, a thought was creeping into Nick's mind. _Maybe… maybe he's distracted enough that I can just slip away. It would probably take him a little while to realize that I even left, so it shouldn't be too big of a problem. Well… yeah, he'll probably get a little mad, but… _

When one of the other Warblers' elbows accidentally knocked him in the stomach, Nick took it as a sign that he really should leave. Carefully, so as not to disturb the other boys even though nothing probably would have, Nick shuffled parallel to the wall. Reaching the door, he just cracked it open enough to slip out before pulling it shut behind him.

The silence of the hallway was a sharp contrast to the noise inside the room, and a faint ringing still filled his ears. _Just another reason not to go to parties,_ Nick mentally noted as he made his way back to his room.

All of the other hallways were oddly calm as compared to the room he had just been packed into, and it gave him plenty of room to think. The only problem was that thinking wasn't necessarily a good thing. Honestly, it just gave him more room to worry. _Maybe I shouldn't have left the party… I mean… Jeff did want me to go. He'll probably be a bit disappointed when he realizes I'm gone. But I just… I just couldn't stay there anymore._ So much noise and so many people just over-stimulated his brain and made him want to retract even more into himself.

Nick's feet paused in front of his door as he dug his hand into his pocket and unearthed the key. Stepping inside and shutting the door behind him, Nick debated for a moment over locking the door again, finally deciding to do so. _I kind of need to be alone without any of the other boys bothering me for just a moment._

Snagging his headphones and iPod from where they were haphazardly strewn across the lid of his laptop, Nick flopped down on his bottom bunk bed. For a moment, he spun the dial on his iPod in search of the type of music that he wanted to listen to, but soon he grew frustrated and opted to just put it on shuffle.

As his eyes stared at the white board separating the two bunk beds, Nick found his mind drifting back to the other boy. No matter how hard he tried to just think of _nothing_, he couldn't keep his thoughts of Jeff away.

Sometimes, he felt pathetic to say that Jeff was probably the closest friend he had right now, especially seeing that they hadn't really known each other until the beginning of the current year. _Of course Jeff has all his other, old friends who have a much deeper connection to him. Surely, he doesn't think of me as nearly equal to his other friendships that have grown over the years. _

_Why couldn't I have met him before this year? _Because, honestly, everyone needed a Jeff in their lives. He was so upbeat and animated almost all the time, but he truthfully seemed to care about everyone at the same time. Even in the midst of your worst days, just seeing him or speaking with him for one minute made your heart lighter and a smile tilt up the corners of your mouth.

_We've had practically the same group of friends since middle school; why didn't we meet then? I wish I had known him back then, and maybe it would have made just that little bit of difference that I needed. _

That was one of the reasons he wished he had met Jeff before, yet at the same time it was the ultimate reason why Nick was glad they hadn't been friends.

_Would he have wanted to be friends with the person I was? _Secretly, Nick knew that the answer to that question was no, because who would want to be friends with that person? Even Nick – no, especially Nick – hated that person. _But wasn't that why…?_

With that white board staring right back at him, Nick finally made his decision on whether he would have even wanted Jeff to know him then. The answer was no. Jeff would have hated the person Nick had been, and now he never would have to know. _He never has to know about all that; it would just be another burden to him, and Lord knows he doesn't need more of those._

_Anyways… it's all in the past… right?_ Well, that was partially true. It was in the past… except for the days when it wasn't… and for some reason, those days just seemed to be growing in number recently.

_No! It's not important enough. I don't need to say anything. They're my own problems to deal with and I shouldn't burden anyone else with my issues._

Music was still playing from the headphones secured around his head, the song list in random order. Normally it would have been just fine, but right now he would have preferred not to have that specific song reeling through his subconscious.

_Some thing we never talk about, rather do without; just keep a smile._

Those lyrics were a bit to spot-on, and it made Nick's stomach shift against itself, churning with the acid of his thoughts. When he was with Jeff, there were those topics that he always tried skirted around, never bringing them up or simply keeping his mouth shut when there was even something possibly related. _There's a reason for it, though. Even though Jeff is one of the most sound and stable people I know, he doesn't deserve to have me spill out some crap that would just make him worry more than he needs to. _

Ever since they had first met, Nick admired the other boy's sheer strength. It wasn't physical strength, but nonetheless, Jeff was honestly one of the strongest people Nick had ever met. Still, everyone has their struggles, absolutely _everyone._

Jeff was always the strong one, the happy one, the energetic one, but Nick had seen a few of the times when he had broken down. Most of the time, Jeff seemed like he could handle everything he tried to get involved with in addition to the hectic schedule and workload that Dalton already forced upon the students.

But then, there were the times that Nick opened his eyes at two or three o'clock in the morning and the fair-haired boy's face was still illuminated by the glow of his computer. There were those times when Jeff had broken down under all the stress, and Nick just hadn't know what to do. It was so uncharacteristic of Jeff that all Nick was capable of was standing there helplessly, wishing that there was something to do and feeling horrible when he couldn't figure out what to do.

Those were the moments that decided it for him.

_I shouldn't add to anyone else's stress, especially if they are my friends and the people I care about._ _Friends are supposed to be there to make each other happy, not to drag the other down with secrets from the past._ At least, Nick could just pretend that they were entirely in the past for now. Hopefully, they would recede back into the shadows before his past began encroaching on his future more than it already had.

_Just stop freaking thinking about this! Listen to music and forget!_ Despite his internal commands, Nick couldn't make the gears in his brain stop spinning like tornadoes.

Scraping his hands over his face roughly, Nick let out a groan of frustration. _Just stop!_

If the bed hadn't been faced towards the door, Nick doubted that his brain would have processed the click of a key in the door. Still, he was shocked to see Jeff appear in the doorway. Immediately, he swung his legs to the floor so that he was at least in a sitting position as he pulled his headphones from his ears.

Peeking inside the dimly lit room, Jeff caught a glimpse of him raking his fingers over his face once again. "Hey, are you okay?" This was one of those times where Jeff's voice rose in pitch with worry, and all Nick wanted to do was find a way to make the other boy stop worrying about him. "I saw you leaving the room and I just wanted to see if something was wrong."

Without thinking, Nick responded immediately, "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine. I was just getting a bit overwhelmed with everything." The minute those words were out of his mouth, he regretted them. _Why did I say that? I'm an idiot. _

Jeff lifted his eyebrows and wrinkled his forehead with concern. "No, you're not fine. Just looking at your face proves that," the blonde spoke with a conviction that made Nick uneasy. _Am I really that transparent? How can he tell how I'm feeling when I'm trying so hard to keep it closed off? _ "So tell me, what was overwhelming?" Nick broke away from Jeff's intense gaze to stare downward in hopes of keeping the other boy from reading the emotions surely flitting across his face.

"Nothing…I'm sorry." _I'm not supposed to make him worry. I was supposed to be reassuring him that I'm fine. _Chewing on his bottom lip and focusing on the folds of the bed sheets, Nick blurted out a few more to relieve some of the guilt building in his chest. "I was just being stupid, I'm sorry… sorry…"

The next instant, a dull impact hit him unsuspecting against the side of his waist. With a slight gasp of surprise, he lifted his gaze to meet Jeff's harshly scrutinizing look. However, it was a difficult task for him to try to appear menacing due to the fact that his face had a soft quality about it that surely wasn't helped by the worry evident in his eyes.

"You legitimately threw a _shoe_ at me!" Nick was absolutely stunned. Of course, Jeff had threatened to slap him if he said he was sorry one more time, but he didn't think it was a solid threat; it was just Jeff's way of showing that he cared.

"How many times to I have to tell you to stop saying sorry for you to understand?" It was as close to yelling as Jeff could reach with his wavering voice, and it was definitely close enough for Nick. "You don't need to be sorry for more than half of the things you actually apologize for." _Even if Jeff doesn't think I know that, I kind of do. When I apologize to any random statement that someone makes, it isn't just that I'm sorry for that one thing. Usually, I'm just trying to get some of the guilt for other things to disappear. "_I don't want you to say you're sorry ever again! Everyone you say that to will forgive you, even if you don't speak it aloud!"

Nick could hear the words that Jeff was saying, but that was all they were. Words. It wasn't like he was trying _not_ to believe them; he just _couldn't_ comprehend how they could be true. _How can he even say that about me? _But the other boy must have seen in Nick's eyes what was going on in his head, because Jeff's face fell again, and _crap_… _Why do I keep making him worry about me? Why does he care?_

"Don't you freaking get it?" Jeff's voice was growing higher in pitch and volume, almost hysterical. "I like you, a lot! Ever since we started rooming together, my feelings have just been growing! I like you! Maybe it's even more than that!"

Those were words that Nick never thought he would hear, especially not from maybe his best friend. Especially not from his best friend who Nick thought he had feelings for. Instead, Nick just pretended that his feelings didn't exist at all, because if he didn't acknowledge them, they wouldn't take ahold of him… right? Nick hadn't even pretended to imagine that the other boy would feel the same.

Except Jeff did.

"I … I think I might-" almost as surprisingly as he had started talking, Nick cut himself off. _What the heck am I saying? I'm not supposed to just say that! _"… nothing…" Letting his voice trail off, he couldn't help but tear his gaze away again.

This time, instead of saying anything, Jeff simply reached out to take his hand. Despite the simplicity of the gesture, it meant so much more. It just made _real_, made it _tangible._ Still, it was so hard for Nick to believe that it was real life.

"Please," Jeff practically begged in a small voice so uncharacteristic to himself. "Don't just stop yourself like that; it can't be good for you. Just tell me whatever you need to."Wrinkles were forming around his eyebrows from the worry that he held in his forehead. "Please…"

There was no way that Nick could just repeat once again that he was just "fine". _He won't buy it this time. He'll just keep pushing me to say something. But I… I…_

_Why can't I just freaking say something normal? Anything that I have to say to him is just… _not_ normal. Most of all, how am I supposed to tell my best friend that I like him? I've always thought I was straight… that was, until I started rooming with Jeff._

Biting on the inside of his cheek, Nick couldn't make himself speak, despite the words that were bubbling up inside of him and trying to get out. _He probably didn't mean what he said… and if anything he meant he just cared about me as a friend…_

The bed shifted, sinking into a slight dimple around where Jeff just sat down next to him. Squeezing Nick's hand, he kept his voice gentle and cajoling. "Please, at least say something. It doesn't have to be bold or perfectly worded, but _anything_ would be better than just staying silent."

_Just say it. _With a heavy sigh, Nick let himself fall back onto the bed. _Just say it!_ "IthinkImightlikeyoutoo," he spit out, his stomach clenching in response.

"Oh, Nickpea…" the other boy said with a laugh. _Oh, God. I was right. Despite what he said, he doesn't think of me as anything more than a friend._ "Now, was that really too difficult to say?"

_What? Does that mean… that he really… does he genuinely feel the same?_

A soft _thump_ jostled the bed as Jeff let himself fall onto his back the same way Nick had done only a minute before. Without thinking, Nick turned his head to the side to see what the other boy was doing, and… _Crap! _

Jeff was _right there_, staring straight back with a smile that pulled the corners of his mouth wide and reached all the way to his eyes that shone with something other than simply the reflections of light. From all that, Nick could only comprehend was that Jeff was _right there,_ only inches away, and that distance was closing quickly.

Before Nick could protest or even move at all, his roommate, his best friend, the boy he liked, was kissing him. Honestly, it was only the faintest touch of their lips, almost as if the very outspoken and courageous blonde was afraid that Nick would reject it. But he didn't. If his brain had actually been working, Nick might have pulled away simply out of panic. But he didn't. The only thing going through Nick's brain was the rush of his blood.

Then, the moment was over as Jeff drew his head away. There was a question in his eyes and he seemed to be trying to analyze the other boy's reaction. However, Nick's brain was just not catching up to what was happening.

_Wh-what? D-did… did that just happen? _His thoughts were stumbling over themselves, and it didn't help that Jeff was staring right at him. _I just… what?_

Jeff was whispering something, and Nick had to force his ears to listen through the pounding heartbeat in his head. "See? I really do like you. Will you believe me now?" _Honestly, no,_ Nick wanted to tell him, but he didn't say anything, because if he did, Jeff would just keep saying things that were so difficult to imagine. Right this minute, all Nick needed was to just lie there, and maybe he would start to believe.

For now, this was more than enough to wrestle with. Just having Jeff honestly _care_ about him was enough to make it seem like a dream. If he said one more thing, the glass sphere suspending him in the dream might shatter. Nick didn't need to tell Jeff anything else, because right now it was enough.

Just laying there, only touching by their intertwined fingers, was so much more than enough.

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><p><strong>AN:<strong>

**Well, that's it. For now, I think I'll leave it as a one shot, but it has potential for becoming a story if anyone is interested.**

**Please tell me what you think! I would love reviews, and it would be nice to get any constructive criticism on the characters!**

**Thanks for reading!**


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